[By Janelle Chua & Jason Lee]
The brain of a guy can be a scary, confusing place for the uninitiated like me. Instead of trying to (wrongly) decipher their actions, it’s easier to ask them, flat out, just what women need to understand when it comes to their partners. We have come up with some ot the top 10 things men wants their partners to know but never had the guts to say. So ladies, this one is for you… from the boys with love.
Don’t become MY mother.
If you’re married or a mom, don’t get lost in those roles. You are more than those titles. Men relish the good old days when their partners are their companions and their soul mates. Unfortunately as a relationship progresses, women can get lost in the roles of the mother or wife and the relationship loses it spark. Think beyond those titles and just be yourself. It’s what attracted you to him in the first place so don’t lose the essence of being you.
If something is bugging you, just tell me.
Sometimes men are oblivious to the little cues. It’s not that men don’t care, it’s that chances are, he has no idea something is amiss. Tis way a relationship stays open and strong. Never go to sleep angry with your partner, it is better to tell them if something is bothering you than to sulk and stay silent. Help them understand you better and they will be grateful.
We actually love cuddles and surprises but won’t admit it.
Men actually like unrequested affection, surprise intimacy, compliments, and little pats on the butt. Even if men don’t like to talk about our feelings, these things make them feel good. Treating men as you wish to be treated is good advice; men do remember the little things even if they never mention it.
Don’t ask us if your ass looks fat in the jeans.
Nothing turns a guy off more than insecurity and a lack of confidence. Furthermore, the fact that you are asking means that it probably does. And there is no right answer to the question. Answer yes, and men are labelled insensitive. Answer no, and they are a liar. It is a catch 22 for the guys. The truth is that you look good when you are confident about your body, even someone curvy can look fantastic in tight jeans if she wears it with confidence.
We need GUY time
Even if you have been married for years, men would still like to have some time apart to spend with their mates. It is not that they do not love you but simply they need to bond with the boys. Don’t see guy time as a rejection of your love but more as a relaxation time for the boys to do all the silly things that you wouldn’t enjoy anyway.
We want to be respected.
A man would rather be respected than loved. Think about that. I mean, really stop and think about it before you read on. How many times have you told your husband you love him just to be met with a blank stare or a mumbled “I love you, too”? Your husband’s self-worth is grounded not in your love for him, but in your respect of him. Tell him you respect him for _________________ (fill in the blank). Be prepared for him to fall off his chair, though, as this might be the best thing he’s heard all day!
We feel good to be needed.
Your husband feels a burden and a sense of satisfaction when he provides for his family. It can be financial or it can be simply his ability to fix the plumbing in the kitchen. Let your husband know how much you appreciate the work that he does to provide for you.
We appreciate women we don’t love
Just because a man notices another woman doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. If you have read anything about the differences between men and women, you know that men are more visual than women. They are often excited by what they see even more than by what they hear, feel, or smell. It is nearly impossible for a man not to notice a pretty woman, or an ugly one for that matter. It’s something akin to you spotting a sale on that dress you’ve been wanting or the Starbucks signs along the highway; your eyes see it before your brain engages. That’s how it is with men. Your husband might look at a pretty woman as she passes by, but that doesn’t mean he finds her more attractive than you, it just means that his eyes have seen her.
Silence is golden
We know how women love to have long bonding conversations but sometimes, men just want to kick back and enjoy your company in silence. It is not that they do not love you but they simply enjoy being with you without engaging in any intellectual debate. Just watching TV with you in his arms can be considered a very good night in his book, so the next time he stays quiet, don’t over react and think that he does not love you. In fact, it is precisely the opposite; he is comfortable enough to be around you and not feel the need to fill the silence with words.
We do love you
Your husband may not know how to show it, but he really does love you and he wants you to know that. Instead of expecting him to read your mind about how to show love to you, why not make a list of some of the things he can do that will make you feel loved?
* Selected as Article of the Month Dec 2011*