We all know that the internet is one helluva strange place. A melding pot of the weird and the outrageous, an innocuous Google search or casual scrolling of your Facebook feed can make you chance upon some out-of-this-world stuff.
This is exactly what happened to me when I came across a link on Facebook that chronicled an artist’s various impressions of most ridiculous beauty products stemming from beauty trends found on the internet.
I love to share the good stuff, so I’ve singled out some of the best (read: worst) of the lot for your entertainment… even threw in some alternatives that actually work too.
Sticky Tape for that “Cat Eye Effect”
Ok, first things first… OUCH.
I have worn fake eyelashes before once upon a time, and have since retired that thought because of how painful and uncomfortable it is to remove them, so imagine my surprise when I found out about this beauty trend.
Originating from South Korea (where else, right?), using tape to manipulate the appearance of eyes has long been practiced, but the outrageous ante has once again been upped.
From eyelid tape to mimic the effect of the double eyelid for the ones not fortunate enough to be born with it, women are now opting for adhesive sticker tapes that cost only $3.50 to achieve the newly minted ‘cat-eye’ trend, made famous by K-pop stars like Jessi.
Economical indeed, but how much discomfort do you want to be going through when you have to rip it off your eyes at the end of the day? If you want to give your eyes a fighting chance sans the pain and discomfort, products like Emerald Oil and Liquid Gold are definitely more feasible and less extreme options!
The Kogao Face Belt
This one’s supposed to make you chin up – literally. I might have spent a good minute of laughing at this photo, made funnier by the look of perpetual regret on the model’s face (“Why am I doing this again?”).
Upon re-composure, I learned that this is a “face belt” that is designed to reduce the sagginess of chins, and loose skin surrounding it.
Probably not an item for me; I’d be laughing so much, it might stretch and sag my skin even further.
Loose skin and loose chins are real, but try not to hide behind this mask and hope for skin-tightening by the manner of this partial-robber mask.
The Lip Plumper
This product will officially make you the subject of envy… among infants.
I’d call this the adult pacifier, but its officially listed as a lip plumper that gives you suppler lips by way of suction. Rumour has it that usage of this product gives you more natural and subtle plumpness to your lips.
I’m not buying it, figuratively and quite literally.
Instructions for application for this contraption are very vague; there is no mention of how you’re going to remove that huge circle imprint around your lips after you remove it, or if the suction might be too strong and cause bruising, so nope. Just nope.
Instead of making your lips a lab rat to this dangerous experiment, invest in some Rose Quartz Oil instead, for the hydration and nourishment of your lips. Or treat yourself with a therapeutic Lip Fabulosity session at a spa near you.
Read more: Doctor-approved ways to get better skin
The Blackhead Vacuum
I didn’t laugh at this one; my reaction was more of a grimace than amusement… looks pretty painful to me.
How it functions is pretty straightforward and as it’s name suggests: it sucks out all the gunk in your skin.
Judging from the picture, I don’t expect this form of dealing with blackheads and acne to be pleasant, and not leave any marks at all.
I have two points of (dis)contention with this product.
First of all, this looks like it’s gonna hurt. Pain and I do not have a good relationship; I’d rather not answer if it knocks.
Number 2: while it might offer some form of reprieve for the prominent zits and blackheads on your skin, this product does not deal with the clogged pores that are simmering underneath that will still culminate in recurring breakouts.